Do you know the silent killers of a relationship? You’re about to find out in this article!
Every relationship faces challenges from time to time no matter how long you’ve been together.
Most of these challenges are often associated with a lack of healthy communication.
It could be the awful things we said to our partner or the soothing words we refused to say.
Often times, the things we fight about in a relationship may not even be the immediate causes of the fight.
Most quarrels begin a long time inside our minds before we spill out our guts.
Some problems begin due to an accumulation of unresolved relationship issues either because we refused to speak up or we didn’t just find the right opportunity to say something.
Then one day, we have a big fight and call it quits; the relationship is over and we move on with our lives.
How many of us actually think of the real killers of our romantic relationships?
I know some of us try to analyze the breakup to find out what went wrong but not all of us succeed in finding out the real truth.
We can only assume or find entirely different reasons to attach to our breakup.
There are usually 7 silent killers of a relationship; they often start out small and then grow into a wildfire we can’t put out.
However, if we are aware of them early, it would be easy to prevent small disagreements from turning into devastating breakups.
THE 7 SILENT KILLERS OF A RELATIONSHIP
If you’ve been wondering why your past relationships failed, here are some of the biggest relationship killers:
1. Lack of communication
This is the number one killer of a relationship. Good communication is vital to every relationship; it is like the backbone that supports it.
Lack of communication breeds a lot of nuances that are not healthy for any relationship.
You may think that you’re only trying to keep the peace in your relationship when you avoid resolving conflict but you’re only making matters worse.
When you refuse to talk about what’s really bothering you, you’ll start resenting your partner secretly.
And one day, when you can’t take it anymore, you’ll explode to the shock of your partner.
If you want to have a healthy, loving relationship with someone, don’t suck up your emotions and pretend as if everything is okay when you’re clearly upset.
Open up and talk about your concerns so you can get answers to all the questions dancing around in your head.
Talking about issues can also help to clear any doubts you may have about your partner.
When you think your significant other is up to something fishy, sit them down and talk things through.
I’ve met couples who don’t discuss personal issues; they only talk about the kids and other family-related problems.
They see themselves as life partners but not friends, so they always avoid discussing personal issues that really bother them.
Gradually, they begin to harbor doubts, have big fights and eventually walk out on each other.
I strongly believe communication is essential in every relationship. Don’t be a mind reader; talk to your partner and find out what they’re really up to.
Don’t expect them to always make the first move in settling disputes. Anyone can decide to fix a broken relationship when things go wrong.
If your partner upsets you, tell them about it in a mature manner instead of bearing grudges and giving them the silent treatment.
If you keep quiet about it, one day you’ll just erupt into tiny pieces and it would be too late to save your relationship.
It takes a secure and confident person to love someone genuinely. It isn’t enough to say you love someone when you don’t first love yourself.
When you constantly feel uncertain, unsafe and apprehensive of loss, it would be difficult for someone to stay with you for the long haul.
How do you expect your partner to accept you the way you are when you’re always too conscious of your own limitations?
How would someone truly love you when you always find flaws in yourself even when there aren’t any?
It’s nearly impossible for your partner to desire you when you don’t feel desirable or lovable in the first place.
They could try to reassure you about their love for you but at some point, they’ll begin to feel frustrated with your insecurity issues.
And that would be the beginning of some serious relationship problems.
True beauty and self-worth have to start from within before it can radiate to others and touch people’s lives.
Learn to love yourself just the way you are before expecting another person to adore you.
Don’t wait for someone else to make you whole; be a complete person so you can support each other.
3. Making assumptions
As expected, with insecurity and lack of communication comes crazy assumptions.
Because you don’t communicate well with your partner, you give room for imagination and assumptions.
You begin to create worst case scenarios in your head when nothing is going on and you start reading signs in everything your man does.
If he comes home a minute late, you’ll assume he was hanging out with his other girlfriend.
If he smells different at the end of the day, you will assume he must have hugged a lady intimately and gotten some of her fragrance.
When he forgets an appointment you both made, then obviously he was preoccupied with some other lady.
Even when he gives a friend or colleague a lift, you’ll assume he’s sleeping with her.
The assumptions continue non-stop and lead to jealousy which can be a very negative emotion in a relationship.
Learn to trust your man completely and stop being paranoid and insecure. Most times, we unknowingly manifest our fears because we are too focused on them.
When you’re confused about something, ask your partner for clarifications and stop trying to figure out what he’s up to all the time.
If you suspect that your spouse is unfaithful to you and you feel you can’t trust them anymore, here is a surefire way to find out if they’re cheating on you.
As a result of your assumptions and crazy scenarios, you begin to track him and analyze everything he does or says.
Everything he does is associated with a tinge of jealousy. Even when he doesn’t give you a reason to doubt him, you create them for yourself.
You never seem to accept the fact that this person loves you and cares for you deeply.
You’re always searching for something to make him feel guilty because you don’t trust him and you’re afraid he’ll leave you for someone else.
Your friends are not even allowed to visit when your man is around because you feel they would flirt with him and he’ll cheat on you.
The list of suspicions are never-ending when there is no trust in a relationship.
Of course, I understand that some men are just downright deceitful but rather than being insecure and trying to make a molehill out of nothing, give him space.
If he cheats, it means he doesn’t deserve to have you in his life and you have every right to dump him.
However, if he’s a good man, you’ll know it and won’t have to hoover over him constantly.
5. Trust issues
This issue kind of stems out from insecurity; that feeling of being undesirable and unworthy, wrong assumptions and jealousy.
When you feel awful about yourself, you begin to feel skeptical about your partner and your relationship in general.
Because you don’t love yourself enough, you don’t believe anyone can love you and somehow you always manage to sabotage your relationships.
So even when you meet a good guy who goes through tough times to prove his love for you, you still push him away.
Why? You don’t trust him enough and you don’t understand why someone like him would possibly want you.
You feel he has ulterior motives for coming around or you don’t feel you deserve his love, so you do everything you can to push him far away.
You may even begin to ask irrelevant questions like “What is this good-looking guy doing with me when he has better choices?”
This is because you’re not looking at the real man inside; you’re simply fixated on the person you see outside.
Gradually, you will become suspicious of him. If he talks to anyone on the phone, it has to be his affair partner. If he’s working late nights, you think he’s hanging out somewhere.
You keep creating unreal scenes in your head until one day, your greatest fears come true and everything shatters around you.
A healthy relationship requires mutual trust to make it work. When you keep accusing your partner of cheating and lying when they’re innocent, you’ll eventually lose their trust.
Contempt means resenting your partner to the point where you see them as worthless individuals.
It is the opposite of love. When you refuse to communicate your feelings with your partner, there’s no way for them to know how you truly feel inside.
Over time, this lack of open communication can make you begin to hate your partner and despise everything they do.
And when you feel this way about your significant other, it’s often difficult to settle your relationship issues in a healthy way.
According to Dr. John Gottman, contempt is the major cause of breakup and divorce among couples.
If you notice that your significant other is doing something that annoys you, kindly ask them to stop or find a way to compromise as a couple.
Don’t ignore the behavior and silently harbor grudges in your heart. Don’t mock them, disrespect them in public, or talk to them in a sarcastic voice either.
A good partner who values you will try to adjust their behavior and avoid upsetting you.
It’s also important to be patient when someone doesn’t meet up to your expectations; they may be putting in their best to make you happy.
7. Constant criticism
Giving your partner constructive feedback is important to building your relationship and helping them become better versions of themselves.
However, criticizing your partner, calling them awful names, and attacking their personality is not a healthy trait.
You will only make them feel assaulted, hurt, and rejected when you constantly blame them for everything.
Most people make the mistake of verbally abusing their significant other instead of focusing on what they did wrong and finding a way to fix it together.
When you insult your partner consistently, you’ll gradually lose their respect and love.
These 7 silent relationship killers are inevitable; they usually spring up as a way of testing how strong your relationship is.
The key to overcoming all of this is honest communication. Don’t assume to know the intentions of your partner; you’re not a mind reader.
You’re allowed to assume but after assuming, discuss your doubts with your partner.
If you feel skeptical or confused about something, have a meaningful conversation with your partner about it.
Talk to your spouse as soon as issues come up in order to avoid unnecessary accumulation of relationship problems.
Personally, I’ve gained a lot from opening up and communicating my real feelings to my husband.
I prefer being told the bitter truth from the onset to finding it out later; it hurts to hear the truth from outside.
The inability to communicate honestly with your partner shows a lack of trust and commitment in a relationship.
We can avoid these relationship killers by simply communicating truthfully and trusting one another.
Do you want to have a successful long-term relationship with your partner? It’s possible to enjoy a thriving love life together.
You can have the relationship you deserve, love your partner the way they want to be loved, and learn all about making the correct choices to get there.
Click here to learn the secrets to building a relationship that lasts for a lifetime.
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.