14 Things Smart Women Never Do In Relationships

things smart women never do in relationships

You’re an intelligent, successful woman who knows her worth. You’ve got your career, friendships, and interests figured out.

But when it comes to romantic relationships, you can’t seem to make them work long-term. What gives? The problem likely isn’t you, it’s what you’re doing.

Smart women know that certain behaviors sabotage relationships.

Things like playing games, being overly critical, and not speaking up about your needs might seem harmless, but they slowly destroy intimacy.

If you’re wondering why you can’t find lasting love, this blog post reveals the top mistakes smart women never make so you can have the healthy, fulfilling relationship you deserve.


Do you often second-guess yourself? Maybe you think you’re too needy, too distant, giving too much or not giving enough to your significant other.

It’s so easy to slip into self-doubt, especially when your heart’s on the line.

The key is knowing what to avoid doing in relationships, so you can be your best self with your partner.

We’ve put together a list of things smart women never do in relationships. Read on to gain more confidence and clarity in your love life.

1. They never lower their standards

Smart women know their worth and refuse to accept anything less.

They have a clear vision of what they want in a partner and the type of relationship that will make them happy.

They won’t waste time on anyone who does not meet their standards or treat them well.

Instead, they look out for someone who will love and value them for who they are.

Why should you accept poor behavior or a lack of effort when there are great partners out there?

Never lower your standards just to be with someone. You deserve nothing but the best.

things smart women never do in relationships

2. They don’t chase a man for love

Another thing smart women never do in relationships is to force a man to love or commit to them.

They know that whatever they deserve will come to them at the right time.

So they focus on pursuing their dreams and goals before worrying about chasing after a relationship.

They work on being the best version of themselves by engaging in hobbies, activities, and work that fulfill them.

Most importantly, smart women don’t rely on a man to make them happy or feel complete.

They create their own happiness through the relationships and activities in their lives.

A smart woman knows that the right man will recognize her worth and want to commit to her without being chased.

She understands that real love comes when two independent yet compatible people choose to build a life together out of care, trust, and respect.

3. They don’t beg for affection or attention

Smart women know that pleading for attention or affection is a sign of insecurity and will only serve to push their partner away.

Instead, they remain confident in themselves and their relationship, giving their partner space when needed without guilt trips or manipulation.

A healthy relationship requires mutual trust, respect, and commitment to thrive.

Begging or demanding attention often comes across as needy and destroys that foundation of trust.

It’s important to recognize that your partner has their own life and responsibilities outside of your relationship that requires their time and energy.

Rather than viewing your partner’s independence as a threat, learn to cultivate your own interests and friendships to lead a fulfilling life with or without a relationship.

things smart women never do in relationships

4. They never depend on a man financially

Being financially dependent on a man is risky and can sometimes end badly. 

A smart woman never relies on a man to pay her bills or support her lifestyle. She works hard to achieve her own financial success and stability.

She knows that depending on someone else for money gives them power over you and limits your options.

What if the relationship ends? You need to be able to support yourself without struggling or going into debt.

Having your own income also allows you to contribute equally to the relationship. You can split living expenses, vacations, and dates.

There’s nothing wrong with spending money on a man sometimes, but a healthy relationship is a partnership. Both parties have to contribute and benefit equally.

Financial independence gives you freedom and control over your life. You have the means to make your own choices without needing anyone’s permission or help.

That confidence and self-sufficiency will strengthen your relationship by allowing you both to be fully contributing partners.

5. They don’t tolerate disrespect from a man

An important thing smart women never do is let their men turn them into doormats.

They understand that allowing a man to disrespect them, even in little ways, sets the tone for the entire relationship.

If your man insults you, criticizes you unfairly, or makes you feel bad about yourself, don’t brush it off or make excuses for his behavior.

Have a serious conversation with him about how his words make you feel and that you won’t tolerate being treated that way.

If he doesn’t change, leave. The right man will respect you and build you up, not tear you down.

6. They don’t make excuses for bad behavior

Smart women know that there is never an excuse for bad behavior in a relationship.

They don’t let their partner off the hook or make excuses when they act poorly.

If you’re in a relationship where you find yourself constantly justifying your partner’s actions or words that hurt you, it’s time to reevaluate.

Respect is necessary for a healthy relationship. Excusing disrespectful or cruel actions tells your significant other that it’s okay to treat you that way.

Don’t fall into the trap of believing that “they didn’t mean it” or “they were just joking”. Hurtful behavior is hurtful behavior, regardless of intent or gender.

Stop making excuses for your partner and start advocating for yourself. Let them know their behavior is unacceptable and needs to change.

If they continue to disrespect you after trying to work through issues together, you may need to consider whether the relationship is right for you.

things smart women never do in relationships

7. They don’t spend money on a man blindly

Smart women never feel obligated to spend money on a man just because they’re dating.

They don’t shower him with expensive gifts or pick up the tab every time they go out.

While taking care of someone you love is nice, smart women make sure it goes both ways.

They expect their partner to also contribute and not take advantage of their generosity.

If your man never offers to pay the bills, that’s a red flag. A healthy relationship is a two-way street.

Smart women know that if a man expects them to fund the relationship, he likely won’t pull his weight in other areas either. They don’t let themselves be used as an ATM.

Their time, affection, and money are valuable, so they find partners who appreciate them for who they are, not what they can buy them.

8. They don’t try to change their partner

Another thing smart women never do is try to force their partner to be someone they’re not.

They accept their partner as they are instead of trying to mold them into some ideal version.

Nagging, criticizing, and issuing ultimatums will only breed resentment.

Rather than trying to change your partner, focus on communicating your own needs and desires openly.

Express how certain actions make you feel and try to come to a mutually agreeable compromise.

But also know that you can’t force change—your partner must be willing and able to meet you halfway.

If major issues remain unresolved despite your efforts, know when it’s time to walk away rather than stay in an unhealthy relationship.

But as long as your partner treats you with kindness, respect, and love, appreciate him for who he is.

9. They never settle for less than they deserve

Smart women have healthy self-esteem and refuse to settle for less than they deserve in a relationship.

They don’t stay in unhealthy dynamics or with partners who don’t treat them well. They advocate for their own needs and make sure those needs are met.

If you find yourself covering up your partner’s actions or feel like you’re not getting what you need from the relationship, it may be time to reevaluate.

Don’t be afraid to speak up and let your partner know that their actions are unacceptable and that you deserve better.

Compromise is key, but you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness and well-being for someone else.

The right partner will treat you with kindness, respect, and compassion. They will appreciate you for who you are and support you in pursuing your goals.

Don’t waste time on anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself or brings you down.

You deserve a healthy, loving relationship where you feel heard, valued, and cared for. Don’t settle for less.

10. They don’t ignore red flags

Smart women know that little signs early on in a relationship that show a lack of respect or trustworthiness are usually a sign of bigger issues down the road.

Don’t tolerate a man’s lack of commitment or shady behavior. Look for patterns of behavior that make you feel uneasy rather than one-off instances.

If something feels off about the way he talks about his exes, handles money, or treats other people, don’t ignore your intuition.

The beginning stages of a relationship are when you should be having the most fun.

Don’t waste time trying to convince yourself that his dramatic mood swings, lack of reliability, or short temper will magically improve.

Cut your losses early and move on to someone who treats you well from the start.

A healthy relationship should make you feel happy, secure, and empowered—not anxious, worried, or worthless.

Never ignore the red flags! Address issues head-on or get out before the situation becomes unhealthy or even dangerous. 

things smart women never do in relationships

11. They don’t sacrifice their career for a relationship

A notable thing smart women never do is to abandon their careers for the sake of a relationship.

They value their independence and work hard to achieve their professional goals.

While they make room in their life for a loving relationship, they never sacrifice their dreams and ambitions for a partner.

A successful career is a source of pride, financial security, and personal fulfillment for smart women.

Though they appreciate the support of a caring partner, they would never expect someone else to carry them or hold them back from pursuing meaningful work.

For smart women, relationships complement an already full and vibrant life – they do not define it.

So they focus on finding partners who respect their drive and determination.

Together they cheer each other on through long hours and late nights, celebrating each win along the way.

12. They don’t lose their identity

Smart women never lose sight of who they are. They pursue their interests and hobbies, nurture their friendships, and maintain vibrant lives outside the relationship.

Staying independent means keeping up with routines and activities that fuel your passions.

Maybe you love hiking, volunteering at an animal shelter, or taking a weekly yoga class.

Whatever it is, don’t give it up just because you’re seeing someone. Having your own life with its meaningful pursuits keeps you fulfilled.

Your friends have been there for you through the ups and downs. Don’t ditch them just because you’re entering a new relationship.

Make time for phone calls, meetups, and girls’ nights out on a regular basis. 

Nurturing your friendships and connections ensures you have a strong support system no matter what happens with your romantic partner.

A smart woman also continues working toward her own goals and dreams.

If you’re building your career, working on a degree, writing a book, or launching a business, don’t abandon it for a relationship.

New love can be intoxicating, but don’t get so caught up that you lose sight of the bigger picture.

The right partner will support your dreams and encourage your personal growth, not hold you back from it.

Staying true to yourself, keeping up with close friends, and following your dreams will ensure you maintain a strong sense of self in a relationship.

And that self-confidence and independence will make you even more attractive to your partner. 

13. They don’t forget to take care of themselves

Smart women always make time for self-care and the things that make them happy or fulfilled.

As much as you may want to spend every waking moment with your partner, it’s important to maintain your own interests and hobbies.

Do things that you find personally fulfilling like reading, exercising, or pursuing a hobby.

Having some alone time will increase your level of happiness and make you a more interesting person

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you should give up on your dreams or abandon yourself.

Make time to pursue your career, education, and personal growth. Achieving your goals will boost your confidence and self-esteem, which benefits the relationship.

In addition to spending time with your romantic partner, nurture your other close relationships. Make time for family and friends who love and support you.

Having a strong network of people who care about you will make you happier and less reliant on your partner to meet all your emotional needs.

Take good care of yourself by maintaining a healthy diet, exercising, reducing stress, and avoiding unhealthy habits.

When you feel good about yourself, you’ll have more to offer to your partner and your relationship.

Self-care is also about setting boundaries to prevent burnout and resentment. Make sure to speak up for what you need to feel happy and fulfilled.

Don’t change who you are just to please your partner. Have confidence in yourself and don’t be afraid to share your true thoughts and feelings.

Although relationships require compromise, you should never feel like you have to give up your happiness to make your significant other feel good.

14. They never stay with an abusive partner

A major thing smart women never do is tolerate abuse of any kind in a relationship.

If your partner physically hurts you, controls or intimidates you, or makes you feel afraid or worthless, get out of there immediately.

An abusive relationship will only get worse over time, and no one deserves to feel unsafe or unloved.

Speak to people you trust about the situation, contact local authorities if needed, and make a safety plan to leave.

There are many resources available for people in abusive relationships.

Don’t stay silent—abuse of any kind can be detrimental to your mental and physical health.

Learn to stand up for yourself, believe in your strength, and get out of that toxic situation as fast as you can.


I’ve highlighted a list of things smart women never do in relationships so you can learn how to build a healthy, happy love life.

While some of these mistakes may seem obvious, even the smartest among us can slip up now and then.

Stay self-aware, keep your eyes open, and remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

And when in doubt, trust your gut—it rarely steers you wrong.


Recommended reading:

8 Things Mature Women Never Do In Relationships

15 Biggest Mistakes Women Make In Relationships

10 Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

9 Things You Should Never Beg For In A Relationship

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi
 | Blog

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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