Are you wondering why your husband won’t sleep with you or why he avoids making love to you? You’re not alone!
A lot of couples are in a sexless marriage with little or no intimacy. This can happen due to different reasons that cannot be controlled.
During the week, I received an email from a young woman who has been married for two years.
In her email, she complained bitterly about how her husband won’t make love to her.
I had earlier just wanted to reply her and then forget about it but then I remembered that she possibly couldn’t be the only one going through similar marital issues.
There are a lot of women who haven’t felt their husband’s touch in years. It may sound strange, but it is true!
Being in a sexless marriage is really devastating especially when you don’t know how to fix it.
Today’s post is targeted at helping married women fix their sexless marriage and reconnect with their spouse.
But first, read the mail she sent to me:
“Dear Jenny, I’ve been following your blog for a while now and I really enjoy your posts especially the ones about intimacy and marriage.” I’m having serious issues in my marriage right now and I need some advice.
I’ve been married for two years and I have a son. I don’t remember how it all started but my husband has suddenly lost interest in sleeping with me. It’s been two months now and he hasn’t touched me even once.
Every day, when he gets back from work, he eats his dinner, watches TV briefly and then hops into bed. Just like that! It is as if I no longer exist in his life. It hasn’t always been like this though.
When we first got married, he could hardly keep his hands off my body; he was always after me. We used to make love almost every night! But now, it’s just like we are roommates and not a married couple.
The way he avoids me, it seems as if I disgust him sometimes or maybe he sees me as a man. Could he be cheating with someone? What do I do?”
She sounded really distressed so after reading the email, I wrote a reply to her.
In the reply, I told her possible reasons why her husband refuses to sleep with her and how she can tackle this problem.
Whether you’re a newlywed, a new mom or you’ve been married for a long time, we are going to look at all the possible reasons why your husband won’t sleep with you.
We often think that all men are hyperactive in the bedroom and they don’t get tired of making love but it’s not always the case.
Sometimes, men get physically tired, sick or stressed and intimacy is the last thing on their mind.
But if the abstinence lasts for more than 2 months when there is no sickness, then something else might be going on underneath.
The best way to fix a sexless marriage is to talk with your husband and encourage him to sign up for couples counseling as soon as possible.
Here is a list of reasons why your husband won’t sleep with you and how you can make him want you:
9 REASONS WHY YOUR HUSBAND WON’T SLEEP WITH YOU
#1 He is emotionally disconnected
This may sound funny because men are usually more practical than emotional.
But when a man loves a woman, he doesn’t sleep with her just for fun but for emotional connection.
For most men, this connection is needed to maintain a healthy and satisfying intimate relationship.
So, if your husband who used to chase you passionately, suddenly stops showing interest in you, it’s highly possible that he doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you anymore.
This disconnection can occur if he feels angry, sad or unloved. Try talking to him about any underlying issues that could be affecting him.
Reach out to him and find out why he is distant all of a sudden. When you help him open up about what’s bothering him, it would be easier to find a solution.
If you want him to make love to you, make him feel loved and special. He would be more likely to connect with you emotionally if he feels loved and wanted.
#2 His libido is low
Low libido is most likely the reason why your husband won’t sleep with you and it affects a lot of men.
It’s entirely normal for a man to have a higher libido than his female partner but it’s not unusual for his libido to diminish after a while especially as he gets older.
There are a lot of things that can make a man’s libido become low. Stress, illness, medication, and aging all play a role in reducing a man’s urge for intimacy.
If your partner has been stressed or sick lately, his libido may be affected negatively especially if he’s taking some strong medication.
In this case, there is nothing you can do than to talk to him about changing his medication to a less harmful one or paying a visit to his doctor for an effective solution.
#3 He’s having an affair
This may not be the case here but it’s worth looking into. Every marriage is different and all men are not the same so don’t jump into any conclusion yet.
If your man has refused to make love with you and you’re sure it’s none of the above reasons, it’s possible he’s cheating on you with another woman.
The truth is when men feel emotionally disconnected to a woman, they may look for another woman who can give them that hot passion they need to make their lives exciting and worth living.
So, if he’s not sleeping with you, it’s very likely that he’s getting it from someone else.
If you’re sure he’s cheating on you, I’ll suggest you confront him and talk about what’s going on to figure out how to move your relationship forward.
This can be a dangerous path to walk on so be careful with your approach and gather all the evidence you need before accusing him of cheating on you.
#4 He’s addicted to self-pleasure
This is another problem that couples often encounter in their marriage. Addiction to self-pleasure is actually a huge homewrecker.
When a man gets addicted to giving himself pleasure, he won’t have the desire for his wife because he enjoys doing it himself and he will jump at every opportunity to engage in this solo activity.
If you suspect this could be happening to your husband, watch him closely for a while and study his habits whenever he is at home.
This might be the key to finding out why your husband won’t sleep with you and what you can do about it.
Most addicts tend to indulge in secret fantasies at night when everyone else is asleep and they have some privacy.
Does your husband have a penchant for watching adult videos or reading visually stimulating adult stories? Does he stash adult magazines somewhere?
Self-pleasure may be the reason why your husband won’t sleep with you. Observe his behaviour for a few days to find some obvious clues.
If you can find any of these materials or catch him red-handed in the act, you can actually prove that he’s an addict who needs professional help.
#5 You’ve become lazy or boring in bed
Your husband may deliberately refuse to sleep with you because you’ve become lazy in bed.
You’re no more fun in the bedroom like you used to be and that’s why your husband won’t sleep with you.
You don’t actively participate during lovemaking anymore and you’re always too tired to try out new positions he may bring up.
Your husband now thinks getting intimate with you has become a little boring for him.
So, it’s best if he avoids having the same predictable and boring encounter every night. During intimacy, don’t just lie there and expect your husband to do all the work.
Become an active partner in bed! Participate but don’t fake it!
You can try moaning deeply, rolling your hips, rubbing his chest or sucking his nipples during the act. He will keep coming back for more.
#6 You don’t ever make the first move
Sometimes, your husband won’t have the urge for intimacy but you might be in the mood for some passionate lovemaking.
I know most women prefer to wait for the man to make the first move but it gets tiring for men. They also want to know when you’re in the mood for romance.
When you want to get intimate with your husband, don’t lie there pretending as if you are sleeping when you are patiently waiting for him to grab you.
Why not make the first move and grab him instead? He will be more than excited to make love to you when he feels wanted and desired.
If you are too shy to tell him bluntly that you want it, show him how much you want him instead.
Kiss him deeply, lick his earlobes and rub your hands from his chest down to his northern region. He should get the hint and follow your lead.
#7 You don’t sleep naked
When was the last time you went to bed completely naked?
How do you expect your husband to touch you when you go to bed wearing thick clothes, pajamas or a really long nightie that doesn’t look attractive?
Intimacy won’t happen unless you create room for it. When you put on pajamas or a long nightwear, you send the wrong message to your husband.
In your mind, you’re saying “please make love to me tonight” but your pajamas are saying, “I’m fully clothed and I don’t want to be naked. Don’t you dare come near me!”
If you want your husband to make love to you often, show him that you are interested and available.
Take your bath, wear some sweet-smelling perfume and lie down on the bed naked! That’s all the invitation he needs to jump at you.
When he turns over to look at you and notices you’re completely naked beside him, he will get a clear “Make love to me right now” message.
You won’t need to say the words because it would be written all over your body.
If you sleep in separate bedrooms, this can be a big reason why your husband won’t sleep with you.
Work on sleeping in the same bed every night and see if anything changes.
#8 You seem too busy
I know you’re married with a husband and kids to take care of all the time.
There is a long list of house chores to keep you busy and exhausted every day.
You don’t have enough time for yourself not to mention the energy or desire to make love to your husband.
But you need to give yourself a break sometimes.
This is where work life balance comes in. You can’t spend all your time doing house chores while you neglect your husband.
Your marriage should be your number one priority so find a smarter way to tackle your household duties.
Have a workable schedule that ends before your husband gets back from work so you can have time for him in the evenings.
When he gets back from work, give him your full attention and help him get settled.
Ask how his day was, help him undress, serve him dinner and talk about something personal afterward.
When he notices how less busy you are, he’ll be willing to make love to you.
Being too busy all the time is another reason why your husband won’t sleep with you.
Do your own part; be available at the right time! Don’t be so busy when he needs your company.
Learn to prioritize intimacy in your marriage, practice regular self-care and find ways to reconnect with your spouse.
Your husband didn’t marry you just to keep the house clean; you need to give him some love and attention too.
#9 Your appearance at home is not attractive
Some women lose themselves when they get married and have a child or two.
They add a lot of weight, dress like their grandma and even forget how to maintain personal hygiene.
They no longer shave down there or even wear perfume. I won’t even mention their toenails because that would be far fetched.
When their husbands complain, they’ll always say “It’s the baby. He’s driving me nuts.” Stop making excuses for letting yourself go.
You are responsible for your body and you need to take control of it. If you’re not comfortable with your weight, do something about it.
I know you’re thinking your husband should be used to you and your body now especially since he loves you and you’ve been together for some time.
But it doesn’t always work that way with men. Men are visual creatures; they either get excited or repulsed by what they see. Your husband is no different!
You need to stimulate him visually, entice him with your body and make him want you.
I know you’re a married woman but that shouldn’t stop you from looking attractive especially around your husband.
Stop obsessing over your body; buy some pretty underwear preferably in lace or silk.
Get rid of your old underwear that may no longer look attractive; go for classy lace instead. No Pajamas, please unless it’s really cold.
Looking unattractive at home may be the real reason why your husband won’t sleep with you. Work on your appearance at home and see if it does the trick.
I’ve given you 9 possible reasons why your husband won’t sleep with you and I hope you understand now why he is distant all of a sudden?
Next time you feel the need to complain about your level of intimacy and why your husband won’t sleep with you, first consider the reasons I’ve mentioned above.
When you find out you are the one lacking in the bedroom department, make the necessary adjustments and rekindle the romance in your relationship.
If your partner is at fault, you might need to talk with him and find out the real reason why your husband won’t make love to you then work on a solution together.
Marriage is about sacrifice, hard work, and compromise. Don’t give up even if things seem difficult.
If you want an in-depth guide on how to satisfy a man in bed, download The Irresistible Diva Ebook and learn how you can increase the passion in your marriage!
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.