15 Harsh Truths About Being Married No One Ever Told You

Harsh truths about being married

Being married is not as rosy as most people say it is; they are often hiding some harsh truths about being married.

Most single ladies feel that being married is the ultimate goal in life especially as many couples are posting perfect pictures about their marriage on social media.

So, they can’t wait to be swept off their feet by true love. Sure, some marriages are pure bliss but the majority aren’t.

No one will tell you because only the wearer knows where the shoes hurt the most.

Even if they tell you about their experiences, you would still not truly understand until you’ve experienced it yourself.

Everyone talks about the sweet part of being married but how many people talk about the bitter and harsh truths about being married?

Harsh truths about marriage

When you hear the words “For better for worse,” what do they really mean?

I’m married to the love of my life but that doesn’t mean we get to shower each other with affection all day.

Marriage is so much more than posting couple photos and relationship goals on social media.

Today, I want to share with you 15 harsh truths about being married you need to know before you make the jump.

I know we don’t always want to hear the truth because of how awfully true and bitter it is but I’m not very good at sugar coating things.

So, I’ll tell it as it is and you can either take my advice or leave it!

I don’t mean to discourage you from marrying; I only want to educate you on the not-so-blissful parts of being married.

This post is meant to help you understand the importance of being prepared, never giving up, and knowing you will overcome all your challenges.

This is the mindset you need to help you achieve a happy and successful marriage.

If you take my advice, at least, you would go into marriage aware of some of the challenges and be fully prepared for the many obstacles to come.

Here are 15 harsh truths about being married no ever told you:

Harsh truths about being married


#1 Marriage is not a breakthrough or an achievement

A lot of single ladies feel that marriage is a kind of breakthrough for them.

It is an accomplishment to finally settle down with someone; it is the ultimate goal to be married.

Let me tell you this… Marriage is not a breakthrough nor is it an achievement in any way.

You can be single and happy. Having a spouse doesn’t turn you into a happy person overnight.

Being married is just the end of one journey and the beginning of another one.

It’s like starting afresh in a new place with new faces, new challenges, different goals, and successes.

There will be ups and downs. There will be tears and laughter. It is not a final bus stop; it is the beginning of another chapter in the same book.

You will still be the same person after you get married; you won’t magically transform into someone else.

It’s a good idea to change your mindset so you can have a smooth marriage with your spouse.

The real achievement is staying together as a couple, maintaining a solid marriage and raising your children in the best way you can.

#2 Marrying the wrong person is the worst mistake of your life

Marriage is blissful when you marry the right person but marrying the wrong person is the biggest mistake you’ll ever make.

There are mistakes you can easily correct with the snap of your fingers.

But this is one of the most difficult mistakes to get away from especially when you are legally wed in the church.

If you marry the wrong person, you will eventually end up feeling miserable, unhappy and frustrated like a trapped animal all the days of your marriage.

It’s like digging your own grave and slowing watching yourself die.

Ask those who have made this mistake before and you’ll understand that rushing into a marriage isn’t the best decision to make.

Take your time and get to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with because it’s going to be a long journey. Don’t rush in!

Make sure your life partner is someone you can talk to about anything and who can make you laugh even on your bad days.

10 Great Tips For Choosing The Right Person To Marry

Harsh truths about marriage

#3 Love ebbs and flows over the years

Another harsh truth about being married is that love doesn’t last forever like it is portrayed in romance movies and novels.

Your spouse will not love you unconditionally for eternity. You won’t love your spouse continuously until the end.

There are days when you will want to tear each other apart and other days you can’t wait to be in each other’s arms. Romantic love ebbs and flows!

Along the line, the unconditional love will fade and then the fights will begin…

So, you need more than just love to get married to someone.

You’ll need communication, trust, endurance, forgiveness, patience and an open mind to have a successful marriage.

In the end, you may not love each other unconditionally as you did earlier but you will be each other’s life companion.

Or you could love each other just as much as you did in the beginning. However, it would require constant effort to stay in love for a long time.

The bottom line is, it may be a bumpy road full of thorns, but you will have a friend to hold your hand throughout the journey. And that’s what really matters in a successful marriage.

The most important thing is that you’re both willing to rekindle the love whenever it fades because love is a choice, not just a feeling.

#4 Passion fizzles out too

If love can fade, what chance does hot steamy passion stand?

A few years of hot romance and sizzling passion may leave you breathless, but 10 years into your marriage you will realize how less passionate your union will be.

It’s not your fault. And, it’s not your partner’s fault either. It’s just the way life works; some things don’t last forever.

You will need to work hard to keep the spark in your marriage alive for as long as you want.

You have to be prepared to make your marriage work even when your spouse feels discouraged or unmotivated.

No matter what happens, you have to be the one to make them see that your relationship is really worth fighting for.

Harsh truths about being married

#5 Infidelity is possible

Not everyone is a cheater and some cheaters never planned to cheat before they got married.

Most people who eventually cheat hoped to have a passionate, long-lasting relationship with their spouses in the beginning, but something happened along the line and they strayed.

Infidelity is possible in every relationship; that’s another harsh truth about being married most couples face.

Look around you, there’s temptation everywhere you go.

Your man could wake up one morning and just say “Life is too short to be faithful to one woman forever”.

The next thing you know he’s trying to have the fun of his life chasing everything in skirts or even pants. It happens…

On the other hand, your wife may realize you’re no longer the hot dude she married several years ago and may decide to have a fling with a co-worker or neighbor.

It takes a lot of restraint to withstand the tempting claws of infidelity.

Don’t expect your spouse to cheat on you. But if they do, don’t be too shocked because people change over time and what is meant to be, will be.

Infidelity happens in marriage and it’s mostly unplanned so be prepared to deal with anything that comes your way.

Don’t go into marriage with too many expectations; you will only end up greatly disappointed. Be realistic.

You can never truly know what someone else is capable of doing especially when you’re not looking.

There is also a chance that you would be the unexpected cheater in your marriage.

You will need to remain committed and faithful no matter the temptation you face. And it will surely come when you least expect it!

#6 Financial crisis is the beginning of marital problems

Money makes the world go round. Money can make your marriage go round and it can also make it stand still.

Most couples never believe that finance can be the cause of problems in their marriage until they are signing divorce papers.

They were not ready to talk about finances and plan together. They had no budget, no savings and no investments.

So, when the financial crisis comes knocking, they fall apart due to the pressure.

Don’t let that be your case! Start talking about finances as soon as you get into a serious relationship.

The earlier you are on the same page, the better for both of you. Start budgeting even before you get married.

Don’t wait until you’re married before you put your finances in order. What have you got to lose? Start now!

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#7 You may become the breadwinner at some point

At some point in your marriage, your husband may go through a difficult time in his career and you will have to fill in as the breadwinner.

The financial burden will solely be on you! If you aren’t ready to carry the weight effortlessly, your marriage will crumble. It’s hard to accept but it is true.

This is why many couples fight over money all the time and eventually break up.

They were never ready for the financial crisis when it blew up in their faces.

If you want to avoid all these problems, handle your finances well, save up and invest wisely.

And… always talk to your spouse about money; don’t avoid talking about it.

Involve your spouse in money affairs; it will greatly help your marriage.

#8 Your kids may love your spouse more than you

This is yet another harsh truth about being married I need to tell you because it has to be told.

Before you get married, you have all these mushy feelings about being a wonderful parent, having cute kids and how they would adore you forever.

Well… it doesn’t happen to everyone. I have seen families where the kids love their dad more than their mom and vice versa.

It may happen to you; you have to be prepared to accept it if it does happen.

But hey, your kids may end up loving you more than your spouse so, cheer up.

Marriage is full of many surprises; I just want you to be aware of most of them.

Harsh truths about being married

#9 Happily ever after doesn’t exist

Many people have this fancy notion that when they get married, they would automatically stop being miserable and unhappy.

They hope that when they walk down the aisle with their partner, they would suddenly be filled with immeasurable joy from above that would last a lifetime.

Sorry to burst your bubble but… that sounds like a scene from a romance movie.

Marriage doesn’t always equal happiness and unmarried people can be completely satisfied with their lives.

If you weren’t a happy person before you got married, you won’t be a happy person when you’re married.

A happy person becomes happier after marrying the right person, but a bitter person will remain bitter even after marriage.

If you’re struggling with anxiety and depression right now, getting married isn’t going to make it all go away. In fact, new responsibilities could intensify your symptoms.

True happiness resides within you, so focus on creating immense joy in your life even as a single person.

A common misconception most people have is that once they get married, they’ll become happy and fulfilled.

The truth is, being married doesn’t mean you will be happy forever.

Sure, it’s exciting to meet the love of your life and tie the knot with them, but this alone doesn’t guarantee happiness.

There are so many other things you need to make your life better and they won’t come easily.

You will definitely face challenges along the way as a married couple and your love won’t be enough to save you.

You have to be ready to face all of your demons and overcome them in order to build a happy life for yourself.

Learn to create your own world of happiness and stop depending on the world to make you happy.

#10 Your spouse may not be your best friend

I was surprised when my good friend who has been married for 5 years told me that his wife is not his best friend.

I was shocked because I always thought that couples ought to be best friends.

They live in the same house and do practically everything together so they should be best friends right?

They should be able to communicate with their spouses and share anything on their minds. I was in for a treat!

Over the years, I’ve realized that it isn’t always the case in many marriages.

Some couples are simply not each other’s best friends. All they talk about is who’s going to pick up the kids, take out the trash, buy groceries, cook dinner, or pay the bills.

They never really talk about their life goals or personal problems with each other.

They have best friends who they tell their every problem but they never communicate those problems to their spouses.

How weird is that? Well, that’s just the way some marriages are.

#11 You can never predict how your marriage will turn out

Life is so full of surprises and marriage is fuller with surprises. You never know what to expect each day as a married person.

Your spouse may fall sick, your child may get into a fight at school, or you may find yourself constantly at war with your spouse.

If you’re unlucky, you may wake up one day and discover that you’re stuck in a toxic marriage with a narcissist who’s determined to destroy your life.

You can never be ready for these surprises before they come and you can’t possibly predict how your marriage will turn out.

All you can do is gather the strength and courage that’s needed to tackle the challenges each time they surface.

Don’t worry about circumstances you can’t control, do the best you can and leave the rest for whoever is supposed to take care of it.

Harsh truths about being married

#12 Adult toys may be included along the line

Now, whoever thinks of buying adult toys when they get into marriage? I bet you no one!

We all expect our intimate lives to remain passionate after 10-20 years of marriage.

Sadly, this is often the case and some marriages are filled with predictable routines and boring lovemaking positions.

In a bid to spice things up in your marital relationship, you can find yourself browsing through kinky online stores or going shopping for weird toys with your husband.

Even if you don’t shop for it together, he may eventually persuade you to try it out. You have to be open-minded in case such suprises arise.

Would you divorce him because he wants to play out his wildest dreams with you?

Or would you prefer it if he did it in a club with some other random girl? It all depends on you and what you can handle!

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#13 You will need counseling or therapy at least once

Does anyone ever get into marriage with the thought that they would see a marriage counselor or family therapist along the line?

No, that’s because everyone has a perfect picture of the kind of marriage they want but they fail to draw it perfectly.

We want our partner to be an awesome lover, a wonderful parent, and a good listener but do we possess all these qualities ourselves?

It is one thing to have a beautiful idea; it is another thing to implement it successfully.

I want to tell you that in marriage, there will be problems that you can’t just solve between yourselves.

This is a harsh truth about being married you may encounter.

You will have to see a marriage counselor or enroll in couples therapy at least once during your marriage if you want to solve your problems in a healthy way.

Harsh truths about being married

#14 Getting a divorce is not as rosy as it seems

Everyone is getting a divorce these days and even throwing divorce parties.

But no one is telling you how frustrating, time-consuming and heartbreaking the whole process is.

No one tells you how many lonely nights they spend soaking their pillow with tears and wishing their partner would come back to work things out with them.

A wedding is blissful but divorce is quite the opposite.

It is not easy separating from someone you’ve lived with for a long time and shared many special moments with.

The entire process is emotionally draining and frustrating to go through. The months after the divorce are not easy either.

After a divorce, many people have to deal with the distribution of financial assets, custody issues and emotional challenges.

Have that at the back of your mind and try as much as you can to make your marriage work.

Divorce shouldn’t be an option in your book! And if you ever decide to go your separate ways, let it be your last option.

#15 If you want to survive, you have to be tough

A scary and harsh truth about being married is that marriage is not a bed of roses.

If you didn’t know that before, I’m sure you’re getting a clear picture now.

Marriage is like a mace game with twists and turns. It can be challenging, fun, and frustrating at the same time.

You have to be a survivor to go into a marriage and stay in it with your mind intact.

You have to be emotionally tough to handle the 101 emotions you will experience every day as a spouse and parent.

It is not an easy road for the weak and fragile. Only the tough survive and stay in marriage until death.

If you want to survive, you better start grooming those muscles; you will need them!


My advice to all single ladies and bachelors out there is this: “Be prepared for marriage before you make the jump.”

Marriage is not all sweet and rosy as it is portrayed on TV. It has its own fair share of bitterness and thorns too.

If you are tough, you will survive the turbulent storms of marriage. If you’re weak, you will get thrown out of the game even before you begin.

So, get acquainted with some of the harsh truths about being married and prepare yourself for marriage before it’s too late.

Don’t be in a rush to get married; it is better you’re late than sorry!

15 harsh truths about being married

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About The Author

Jennifer Dagi
 | Blog

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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