I’m really tired of all the mushy love advice going around these days and I’m going to dish out 15 harsh truths about being married that you’ve probably not heard before.
Being married is not as rosy as most people say it is; they are often hiding some truths. Most single ladies feel that being married is the ultimate goal in life. So, they can’t wait to be swept off their feet by true love. Sure, some marriages are pure bliss but the majority aren’t.
No one will tell you because only the wearer knows where the shoes hurt the most. Even if they tell you about their experiences, you would still not truly understand until you’ve experienced it yourself.
Everyone talks about the sweet part of being married but how many people talk about the bitter side? When you hear the words “for better or worse,” what do they really mean?
Today, I want to share with you 15 harsh truths about being married you need to know before you make the jump. I know we don’t always want to hear the truth because of how awfully true and bitter it is but I’m not very good at sugar coating things.
So, I’ll tell it as it is and you can either take my advice or leave it! I don’t mean to discourage you from marrying; I only want to educate you on the not-so-blissful parts of being married.
This post is meant to help you understand the importance of being prepared, never giving up, never quitting and knowing you will overcome all your challenges. This is the mindset you need to help you achieve a happy and successful marriage.
If you take my advice, at least, you would go into marriage aware of some of the challenges and be fully prepared for the many obstacles to come.
15 Harsh Truths about Being Married
#1 Marriage is not a breakthrough or an achievement:
A lot of single ladies feel that marriage is a kind of breakthrough for them. It is an accomplishment to finally settle down with someone; it is the ultimate goal to be married. Let me tell you this… Marriage is not a breakthrough nor is it an achievement in any way. Being married is just the end of one journey and the beginning of another one.
It’s like starting afresh in a new place with new faces, new challenges, different goals and successes. There will be ups and downs. There will be tears and laughter. It is not a final bus stop; it is the beginning of another chapter in the same book.
You will still be the same person after you get married; you won’t transform into someone else. Change your mindset so you can have a smooth marriage with your spouse. The real achievement is maintaining a solid marriage and raising your children in the best way you can.
#2 Marrying the wrong person is the worst mistake of your life:
Marriage is blissful when you marry the right person but marrying the wrong person is the biggest mistake you’ll ever make. There are mistakes you can easily correct with the snap of your fingers but this one is one of the most difficult to get away from especially when you are legally wed in the church.
If you marry the wrong person, you will eventually end up feeling miserable, unhappy and frustrated like a trapped animal all the days of your marriage. It’s like digging your own grave. Ask those who have made this mistake before and you’ll understand that rushing into a marriage isn’t the best decision to make.
Take your time and get to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with because it’s going to be a long journey. Don’t rush in!
#3 Love fades along the way:
It is a reality that love doesn’t last forever like it is portrayed in romance movies and novels. Your spouse will not love you unconditionally till eternity. You won’t love your spouse continuously until the end.
Along the line, the unconditional love will fade and then the fights will begin… So, you need more than just love to get married to someone. You need communication, trust, endurance, forgiveness, patience and an open mind to have a successful marriage.
In the end, you may not love each other unconditionally as you did earlier but you will be each other’s life companion. It may be a bumpy road full of thorns but you will have a friend to hold your hand throughout the journey. And that’s what really matters in a successful marriage.
#4 Passion fizzles out too:
If love can fade, what chance does hot steamy passion stand? A few years of hot romance and sizzling passion may leave you breathless but 10 years into your marriage you will realize how less passionate your union will be.
It’s not your fault. And, it’s not your partner’s fault either. It’s just the way life works; some things don’t last forever. You will need to work hard to keep the spark in your marriage alive for as long as you want.
You have to be prepared to make your marriage work even when your spouse feels discouraged. No matter what happens, you have to be the one to make them see that your relationship is really worth fighting for.
#5 Infidelity is possible:
Not all men are cheaters but some cheaters never planned to cheat before they got married. I’m sure most men who eventually cheat hoped to have a passionate relationship with their wives but something happened along the line and they strayed.
Infidelity is possible in every relationship. Look around you, there’s temptation everywhere you go. Your man could wake up one morning and just say “Hell, life is too short to be faithful to one woman forever”. The next thing you know he’s trying to have the fun of his life chasing everything with boobs. It happens…
It takes a lot of restraint to withstand the tempting claws of adultery. Don’t expect your spouse to cheat on you. But if he does, don’t be too shocked; maybe it was meant to happen after all.
Don’t go into marriage with too many expectations; you will only end up greatly disappointed. Be REALISTIC. You can never truly know what someone else is capable of doing especially when you’re not looking.
#6 Financial crisis is the beginning of marital problems
Money makes the world go round. Money can make your marriage go round and it can also make it stand still. Most couples never believe that finances can be an issue in their marriage until they are signing their divorce papers.
They were not ready to talk about finances and plan together. They had no budget, no savings and no investments. So, when the financial crisis comes knocking, they fall apart due to the pressure. Don’t let that be your case! Start talking about finances as soon as you get into a serious relationship.
The earlier you are on the same page, the better for both of you. Start budgeting even before you get married. Don’t wait until you’re married before you put your finances in order. What have you got to lose? Start now!
#7 You may become the breadwinner at some point:
At some point in your marriage, your husband may go through a difficult time in his career and you will have to fill in as the breadwinner. The financial burden will solely be on you! If you aren’t ready to carry the weight effortlessly, your marriage will crumble. It’s hard to accept but it is true.
This is why many couples fight over money all the time and eventually split up. They were never ready for the financial crisis when it blew up in their faces. If you want to avoid all these problems, handle your finances well, save up and invest wisely.
And… always talk to your spouse about money; don’t avoid talking about it. Involve your spouse in money affairs; it will greatly help your marriage.
#8 Your kids may love your spouse more than you:
This is the hardest truth to tell but it has to be told. Before you get married, you have all these mushy feelings about being a wonderful parent, having cute kids and how they would adore you forever. Well… it doesn’t happen to everyone. I have seen families where the kids love their dad more than their mom and vice versa.
It may happen to you; you have to be prepared to accept it if it does happen. But hey, your kids may end up loving you more than your spouse so, cheer up. Marriage is full of many surprises; I just want you to be aware of most of them.
#9 Happily ever after doesn’t exist:
So many people have this fancy notion that when they get married, they would automatically stop being miserable and unhappy. They hope that when they tie the knot with their partner, they would suddenly be filled with immeasurable happiness from above that would last a lifetime.
Sorry to burst your bubble but… that sounds like a scene from a romance movie. If you weren’t a happy person before you got married, you won’t be a happy person when you’re married.
A happy person becomes happier after marrying the right person, but a bitter person will remain bitter even after marriage. True happiness resides within you. It’s not magic! It’s just reality.
Being married doesn’t mean you will be happy forever. There will be ups and downs along the way. You have to be ready to face all of them and overcome them in order to remain happy. Learn to create your own world of happiness and stop depending on the world to make you happy.
#10 Your spouse may not be your best friend:
I was surprised when my good friend who has been married for 5 years told me that his wife is not his best friend. I was shocked because I always thought that couples ought to be best friends.
They live in the same house and do practically everything together so they should be best friends right? They should be able to communicate with their spouse and share anything on their minds. I was in for a treat!
Over the years, I’ve realized that it isn’t always the case in many marriages. Some couples are simply not each other’s best friends. All they talk about is who’s going to pick up the kids, buy groceries or pay the bills.
They never really talk about their goals or personal problems with each other. They have best friends who they tell their every problem but they never communicate those problems to their spouses. How weird is that? That’s marriage for you.
#11 You can never predict how your marriage will be
Life is so full of surprises; marriage is fuller with surprises. You never know what to expect the next day. Your spouse may fall sick, your child may get into a fight or you may find yourself constantly at war with your spouse. You can never be ready for these surprises before they come.
You can never predict how your marriage will turn out. All you can do is just gather the strength and courage to tackle them each time they surface. Don’t worry about circumstances you cannot control; do the best you can and leave the rest for whoever is supposed to take care of it.
#12 Sex toys may be included along the line
Now, whoever thinks of buying sex toys when they get into marriage? I bet you no one! We all expect our sex lives to remain the same after 10-20 years of marriage filled with the same sex routines and boring positions.
But, some people have other tendencies and before you know it you are going shopping for sex toys with your husband. Even if you don’t shop for it together, he may eventually persuade you to try it out. You have to be open-minded in case such issues arise.
Would you divorce him because he wants to play out his sexual fantasies with you? Or would you prefer it if he did it in a strip club with a professional prostitute? It all depends on you and what you can handle!
#13 You will need counseling or therapy at least once:
Does anyone ever get into a marriage with the thought that they would ever see a marriage counselor? No, that’s because everyone has a perfect picture of the kind of marriage they want but they fail to draw it perfectly. We want our partner to be an awesome lover, a wonderful parent and a good listener but do we possess all these qualities ourselves?
It is one thing to have a beautiful idea; it is another thing to implement it successfully. I want to tell you that in marriage, there will be problems that you can’t just solve between yourselves. You will have to see a marriage counselor at least once during your marriage if you want it to work out well.
#14 Getting a divorce is not as rosy as it seems:
Everyone is getting a divorce these days and even throwing divorce parties but no one is telling how frustrating, time-consuming and heartbreaking the whole process is. No one tells you how many lonely nights they spend soaking their pillow with tears and wishing their partner would come back to work things out with them.
A wedding is blissful but divorce is quite the opposite. It is not easy separating from someone you have lived with for some time and shared many things with. The entire process is emotionally draining and frustrating to pass through. The months after the divorce are not easy either.
After a divorce, many people have to deal with the distribution of financial assets, custody issues and emotional challenges. Have that at the back of your mind and try as much as you can to make your marriage work. Divorce shouldn’t be an option in your book!
#15 If you want to survive, you have to be tough
Marriage is not a bed of roses. If you didn’t know that before, I’m sure you’re getting a clear picture now. Marriage is like a mace game with twists and turns. It can be challenging, fun and frustrating at the same time. You have to be a survivor to go into a marriage and stay in it with your mind intact.
You have to be emotionally tough to handle the 101 emotions you will experience every day as a wife and mother. It is not an easy road for the weak and fragile. Only the tough survive and stay in marriage till death. If you want to survive, you better start grooming those muscles; you will need them!
My advice to all single ladies and bachelors out there is this: “Be prepared for marriage before you make the jump.” Marriage is not all sweet and rosy as it is portrayed on TV; it has its own bitterness and thorns too.
If you are tough, you will survive the turbulent storms of marriage. If you’re weak, you will get thrown out of the game even before you begin. So, prepare yourself for marriage before it’s too late. Don’t be in a rush to get married; it is better you’re late than sorry.