So you just got into a new relationship with a guy.
Everything looks great, and you think you’re a perfect match, yet it seems something is missing in your love life.
He’s charming, fun to be around, and lavishes you with expensive gifts.
But you’ve noticed he’s not as emotionally attached as you are. Now you’re wondering if he really loves you or just wants to have fun.
If you suspect your connection is superficial, it could signal that you have a fake relationship.
Some common signs you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man are that he has difficulty expressing emotions, avoids having deep conversations, and refuses to make long-term plans.
Don’t ignore those nagging feelings that something feels off. If some of the following signs sound familiar, you may be dating an emotionally unavailable man.
10 SIGNS YOU’RE DATING AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MAN
Dating someone who is emotionally unavailable can be challenging and potentially detrimental to your well-being.
It’s important to be aware of the signs that may indicate that your partner is emotionally unavailable. Here are some telltale signs to watch out for:
1. He never talks about his feelings
An emotionally unavailable man may struggle to openly express or communicate his emotions.
He may avoid discussing deeper feelings or shy away from vulnerable conversations.
This can create a sense of distance and make it difficult to establish a deep emotional connection.
One of the most obvious signs you’re dating an emotionally detached man is that he never opens up about his feelings.
You try to get him to share what’s going on in his heart or mind, but he always stays closed off.
If he’s stressed at work, upset with friends, or worried about family, you’re the last to know. The most you get is ‘I’m fine’ or ‘It’s nothing’ before he changes the subject.
Emotionally unavailable men are reluctant to be vulnerable.
They don’t feel comfortable expressing feelings of sadness, worry, or self-doubt because they don’t want to appear weak.
But for a romantic relationship to work, sharing feelings openly and honestly is key.
If your man is not willing to open up now while dating, he likely never will. You deserve a caring partner who values emotional intimacy and wants to connect on a deeper level.
Don’t waste time hoping he’ll miraculously change – find a man who will share life’s ups and downs and support you through your own.
2. He cancels plans frequently
Does your partner rarely go through with most of the plans you make together? That’s a telltale sign he’s being emotionally avoidant.
Maybe he’s always canceling your plans at the last minute because something “came up” at work or with his friends.
His excuses may seem reasonable at first, but if it’s happening frequently, it’s a sign he’s avoiding emotional intimacy.
When a guy is into you, he’ll make the time to see you regularly. Sure, life gets busy, but he’ll suggest an alternative or make an effort to reschedule.
An emotionally unavailable man will leave you hanging, waiting around for him with no consideration for your feelings or schedule.
Don’t make excuses for his behavior or blame yourself. You deserve someone who will make you a priority in their life, not just when it’s convenient for them.
Have an honest conversation about the issue, but if things don’t improve, it may be time to move on.
You can’t force someone to be emotionally available, so find a caring partner who will give you their all.
3. He refuses to commit to long-term plans
Commitment can be challenging for men, especially those who are emotionally unavailable.
If your partner refuses to discuss or commit to a future together, such as moving in, getting married, or having children, he may have difficulty envisioning a long-term connection with you.
When you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man, conversations about the future are non-existent.
He shies away from talking about any long-term plans with you, like vacations, important events, or relationship milestones further down the road.
He lives very much in the present and isn’t keen on planning ahead with you by his side.
Commitment and emotional intimacy make him uncomfortable.
Rather than sharing how he truly feels about the relationship and his desires for the future, he remains ambiguous and avoidant.
Don’t expect to lock this man into well-defined relationship roles or responsibilities anytime soon.
His evasiveness and reluctance to commit for the long haul are signs that he may not be ready or willing to open up in an emotionally intimate way.
4. He avoids emotional intimacy
Emotional unavailability often stems from a fear of intimacy.
An emotionally unavailable partner may have a hard time getting close to you or being vulnerable and may put up walls to protect himself from being hurt.
This fear may manifest as a reluctance to open up, share personal details, or engage in deep conversations.
Does your man avoid talking about his feelings or sharing personal details about himself? That’s a sign he’s not willing to get intimate.
Emotional intimacy requires vulnerability, and he is not able to open up in that way.
He prefers surface-level conversations and pulls away if you try to dig deeper or ask personal questions.
For example, you’ve been dating for months but you still feel like you barely know him.
He doesn’t share stories from his past, his hopes and dreams, his struggles or insecurities.
All you get are superficial facts and generic life updates. Don’t expect heart-to-heart talks or for him to lean on you when times get tough.
He is emotionally distant and detached to protect himself, even if it’s at the expense of truly connecting with you.
A healthy relationship is built on emotional intimacy. Without it, you’ll always feel like something is missing.
Encourage your partner to be vulnerable with you and try to build trust in your relationship.
Sometimes when people refuse to open up, it’s because they’ve been hurt in the past and want to avoid pain at all costs.
If your man trusts you completely and knows that you won’t break his heart, he’ll be willing to build an emotional connection with you.
5. He puts his friends and hobbies first
Does your partner always have an excuse for why he can’t make time for you?
It’s either his buddies want to hang out, he has a big work project, or he wants to binge-watch the latest show.
While friendships and hobbies are important, if he’s consistently choosing them over spending quality time with you, it’s a sign his priorities aren’t in the right place for a healthy relationship.
Some key signs he puts others and hobbies first are:
• He frequently cancels plans with you last minute to do something else. But when his friends want to meet up, he always makes time for them.
• He spends more time each week engaging with his hobbies and interests than connecting with you. For example, he dedicates several hours to gaming but only a couple of hours to dates or calls with you.
• He avoids intimacy by distracting himself with other activities. Rather than open up emotionally or be fully present with you, he’d rather watch TV, work out, or do anything else.
• You feel like you have to beg for his time and attention. He should want to make you a priority in his life, not an afterthought.
• He doesn’t seem to care how his behavior makes you feel or affects you. If his actions are hurting you, he needs to be willing to find a better balance.
Otherwise, find someone else who will put in the effort to meet your needs.
While everyone needs space for other relationships and hobbies, if your man is consistently choosing them over you, that’s a sign he isn’t emotionally available for the kind of partnership you’re looking for.
The right guy will make the time to nurture your connection, not push you to the sidelines.
6. He prioritizes his independence
Have you noticed that your partner rarely makes plans in advance?
Emotionally unavailable men tend to be overly focused on their independence and spontaneity.
They value their freedom and personal space above building a strong emotional connection. They don’t like feeling tied down by plans or commitments, even with you.
If your man is hesitant to schedule date nights, trips, or other activities more than a day or two ahead of time, it could be a sign he values his independence over emotional intimacy.
While some level of independence is healthy in a relationship, emotionally unavailable men take it to an extreme.
They prioritize their freedom over spending quality time with you.
Don’t be surprised if your partner frequently makes last-minute changes to plans or backs out altogether.
As hard as it is, try not to take his flakiness personally. His behavior says more about his inability to emotionally commit than it does about you.
Talk to him about his avoidant behavior and how it affects you personally.
7. He avoids talking about the future
Does your significant other avoid serious discussions about the future?
One of the biggest signs you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man is that he refuses to talk about the future.
If you try to make plans more than a few days in advance, he gets evasive or changes the subject.
Discussions about relationship milestones like meeting each other’s families or friends, moving in together, or getting married send him running for the hills.
An emotionally unavailable man lives very much in the present and isn’t ready to commit to a serious long-term relationship.
He may claim he “goes with the flow” or “lives in the moment”, but the truth is he’s avoiding planning ahead or being accountable to you.
Any discussions about commitment or the future that involve the word “we” freak him out.
Don’t expect him to change. He’s showing you through his actions that he’s not able to give you what you need in a relationship.
You have two choices here: accept his limitations and enjoy casual companionship without expectations of commitment, or move on to find a partner ready for a deeper connection.
8. He doesn’t provide emotional support when you need it
Emotionally unavailable men are detached from their feelings, so they struggle to be empathetic toward others.
Does your partner ever ask about your emotional well-being or truly listen when you open up? If not, this is a sign he won’t be there for you during hard times.
Emotional unavailability often leads to a lack of empathy and support. Your partner may struggle to provide emotional comfort or be there for you when you need him.
He may seem detached or dismissive when you seek emotional connection or support.
Conversations about feelings, relationship issues, or the emotional aspects of life make him uncomfortable.
He’d rather talk about superficial topics or avoid these chats altogether.
But emotional intimacy is necessary for a healthy relationship.
If your significant other isn’t willing to meet you halfway, you’ll feel alone and unable to connect deeply with him.
Let him know whenever you’re going through a difficult situation and show him how to best help you.
9. He has a history of unstable relationships
Past patterns can be indicative of ongoing challenges in forming deep emotional bonds with other people.
If your partner has a history of failed relationships or struggles to maintain emotional connections, he may be dealing with some emotional baggage.
Another sign a man is emotionally unavailable is that he rarely talks about his past relationships or dating experiences, and if he does, he speaks negatively about his exes.
Emotionally available people can reflect on past relationships in a balanced, mature way – they can recognize both the good and the bad.
If your guy just blames his exes and doesn’t take any responsibility for his role in the relationship ending, that’s a sign he lacks empathy.
An emotionally unavailable man will continue to repeat the same negative patterns in new relationships.
He’s not able to see how he contributed to past breakups or learn from his mistakes.
Don’t expect him to open up about his feelings or be vulnerable with you. He keeps an emotional wall up and is closed off.
While sharing emotions and being open to intimacy might feel uncomfortable for someone who is emotionally unavailable, it’s necessary for building a strong, healthy relationship.
If your partner is not willing to share how he truly feels with you and be there to support you emotionally, you’ll end up feeling alone and disconnected from him.
Talk to him about his emotional detachment and be ready to support him in getting professional help if needed.
10. He’s not loving or affectionate toward you
An obvious sign your partner is emotionally unavailable is that he’s not warm and affectionate with you.
He rarely compliments you or says “I love you.” While words aren’t everything, hearing your partner express their feelings for you openly is important for feeling secure in a relationship.
If he rarely or never says cute things to you, it’s a sign he may be emotionally unavailable.
An emotionally unavailable man has trouble expressing emotions and affection. He keeps you at arm’s length and avoids real intimacy.
Look for other signs like:
• He’s hard to connect with on an emotional level. Conversations stay superficial and never get deep.
• He pulls away when you try to get close. For example, if you share your feelings, he changes the subject or gets distant.
• He’s not receptive to affection. Things like holding hands, hugging, and cuddling don’t seem to interest him.
• He’s more concerned with sleeping with you than building emotional intimacy. The relationship is mostly physical.
• He doesn’t share personal details or talk about his feelings, dreams, family issues, work concerns, etc. You don’t feel like you really know him.
The bottom line is if you’re feeling unloved and emotionally unsatisfied, don’t ignore these telltale signs.
Have an open and honest conversation with your man about your needs and concerns.
If he’s unable or unwilling to be more emotionally open and available, consider leaving the relationship.
You deserve a relationship where you feel loved and connected. Don’t settle for less.
Being with an emotionally unavailable partner can make you feel neglected and unloved.
If you discover you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man, you can stick around and hope he will change or walk away knowing that you deserve so much more.
Life is too short to waste time on someone who can’t give you their all. Stop making excuses for your partner or blaming yourself.
It’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and seek a relationship where both partners are willing to commit fully.
If you consistently notice red flags in your love life and feel that your emotional needs are not being met, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your concerns.
When you express your concerns and your partner refuses to change his behavior, consider leaving him and refuse to settle for less.
You know your worth – now go out and find someone who does too.
The right guy is out there, you just have to make room for him in your life first.
So take a deep breath, give yourself a pep talk in the mirror, and set yourself free. You’ve got this!
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.