So your guy won’t get intimate with you and you’re wondering what is really going on.
You may be asking yourself if he no longer finds you attractive or if he’s sleeping with someone else.
There’s nothing more frustrating than being rejected in bed because your partner isn’t in the mood. If it happens occasionally, you may not mind.
But when your man keeps making excuses to not sleep with you, it can be devastating to your self-esteem and emotional well-being.
What’s a romantic relationship without physical intimacy after all?
Before you start overthinking things or doubting yourself though, take a deep breath and acknowledge that there are many reasons why your man’s desire may have taken a hit that have nothing to do with you.
The good news is, the lack of intimacy may not be your fault. The bad news is, no one can force your man into an intimate encounter against his will.
But you do have the power to turn things around by communicating, reconnecting, and reviving the romance.
Read on to learn what to do when your man won’t sleep with you and how to rekindle the spark in your relationship.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR MAN WON’T SLEEP WITH YOU
Passion ebbs and flows in a relationship for a variety of reasons. It’s important to approach sensitive topics like intimacy with respect and understanding.
If your partner is avoiding making love to you, here are a few things you can do to remedy the situation:
1. Don’t blame yourself for the lack of intimacy
When your man refuses to make love to you, it’s easy to feel rejected or like you’ve done something wrong, but the issue likely lies with your partner, not you.
Avoid blaming yourself for his lack of interest in intimacy, especially when you’ve not talked to him yet.
His libido could be low due to stress, health issues, or natural aging. None of these things are in your control. He may also have relationship issues he isn’t sharing with you.
Lack of physical intimacy is sometimes a symptom of unaddressed problems related to emotional intimacy.
Gently encourage open communication to determine if any underlying issues can be resolved together.
2. Have a respectful conversation about your needs and desires
When you and your partner aren’t connecting physically, it can leave you feeling hurt, confused, and unwanted.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to have an open, honest conversation about your intimate needs.
Sit down with your man and let him know you’ve noticed you two haven’t been intimate lately and you’re concerned.
Express how physical intimacy is important for helping you feel close to him. Try not to accuse him or make him feel bad for the way things are in your relationship.
Instead, ask open-ended questions to understand why he hasn’t been in the mood and listen without judgment.
Ask if there’s anything you can do to support him in feeling more desire. Sometimes stress, health issues, or relationship problems can affect libido.
Whatever his responses are, be willing to compromise and find solutions you’re both comfortable with.
You can consider scheduling intimacy once a week or every other week to help you reconnect.
You can also suggest ways to get your man in the mood like giving him a massage with scented oil, watching something romantic together, or experimenting with a couples toy.
The key to rekindling passion in your love life is to talk about intimacy in a caring, non-confrontational way. Focus on listening to understand rather than attacking.
When your partner knows you’re there for him no matter what, he’ll be willing to open up about the issues he’s facing.
3. Try to understand his reasons for avoiding intimacy
It can be frustrating when your partner doesn’t seem interested in intimacy, but there are a few possible reasons why that could be the case.
Instead of beating yourself up or blaming your partner for the lack of intimacy in your relationship, try to understand what’s really going on. Your man could be experiencing:
Low libido or health issues
Certain health issues like low testosterone, diabetes, or heart disease can lower a man’s libido. Encourage your partner to see his doctor for a checkup and blood work. A change in medication or specialized treatment may help him get his drive back.
Stress and fatigue
Life stresses from work, family, or finances can take a major toll on your love life as a couple.
Make an effort to reduce stress levels through exercise, meditation, minimizing screen time before bed, and engaging in relaxing activities together. Getting enough sleep is also vital for feeling in the mood.
Relationship problems are a common cause of low libido in men. Unresolved anger, resentment, or trust issues can create emotional distance and reduce intimacy.
Have an open, honest conversation about your relationship and set aside time for regular dates. Going for couples therapy can also help you work through challenging issues.
Mental or psychological issues
Psychological factors like anxiety, depression, or trauma can also affect a man’s libido. Therapy or counseling may help uncover and address these issues. Let your partner know you care about his well-being and that you’re willing to be there for him.
The reasons behind your man’s avoidance of intimacy may not always be obvious. Approach the topic with patience, empathy, and care. Make it clear you’re there to support him however you can.
It’s also important to focus on reconnecting emotionally and physically through quality time together.
In many cases, lack of intimacy is often temporary and can be improved by making your relationship a priority.
4. Create a safe and non-judgmental environment that’s conducive to intimacy
If your man isn’t sleeping with you, he may be dealing with trust issues in the bedroom.
Maybe you said something hurtful about his performance or laughed at a part of his body that made him feel insecure.
The best way to make him come out of his shell is to create an environment where he can feel safe to be vulnerable.
Pick a quiet, private time to talk when you’re both relaxed. Turn off distractions like TVs, phones, and computers. Make eye contact, hold hands, and speak kindly to one another.
Let your man know you value intimacy and want to reconnect physically and emotionally. Be honest but gentle, focusing on “I” statements that convey your feelings rather than accusations.
Express how the lack of physical intimacy makes you feel without judgment. For example, say “I feel lonely and disconnected when we don’t make love.” Rather than “You never touch me anymore.”
Be willing to try new things in the bedroom or adjust the frequency of intimacy. Give each other space if needed.
Sometimes desire returns when pressure decreases. Do your own thing for a while and the spark may reignite on its own.
Creating a safe space for open communication and understanding can help rekindle your physical connection.
Focus on emotional intimacy, compromise, and giving one another room to breathe. With patience and effort, you can get your love life back on track.
5. Look for ways to increase passion and desire
If your man isn’t interested in making love to you, the passion may have fizzled out. To reignite the spark in your relationship, try new romantic ideas to boost desire. Here’s what you can try:
Plan exciting dates
Thrilling experiences activate the same pleasure centers in the brain that are involved in arousal. Consider going on fun, adventurous dates to increase the passion between you two. Try doing an activity you both enjoy, like dancing, rock climbing, or seeing a movie at the cinema.
Flirt like when you first met
Remember how you used to playfully tease and compliment each other? Start flirting again! Send flirty texts, give hugs that linger, and compliment your man’s appearance. Playful banter and physical intimacy, even in small ways, keep the chemistry alive.
Try new things in the bedroom
If your routine has become predictable, mix it up by trying new positions, locations, toys, or role-playing scenarios. Discuss your fantasies and see if you’re both open to experimenting.
Give affection outside the bedroom
Simple touches, hugs, holding hands, and cuddling increase oxytocin and help couples bond faster. Don’t limit physical intimacy to just when you’re making love. Give regular affection and spend quality time together to strengthen your connection.
Making an effort to reconnect physically and emotionally can help rekindle your man’s passion and desire.
While it may take time, focusing on intimacy and adventure together will improve your bond and bring you closer.
6. Be patient while you work on rekindling your love life
It can be frustrating when your man refuses to make love to you, but pressuring him will likely backfire. Instead, focus on rebuilding emotional and physical connection.
Make time for meaningful conversations and create opportunities for intimacy through touch outside the bedroom like holding hands or cuddling while watching TV.
As the emotional intimacy improves, suggest low-pressure romantic activities like showering together, giving each other massages with scented oil, or making out.
Let things progress naturally without expectations. Avoid nagging, lecturing, or issuing ultimatums which will only create anxiety and resentment.
A healthy love life is important, so make reconnecting with your partner a priority and be patient as you work to reignite the spark in your relationship.
7. Consider seeking professional help
If you’ve tried communicating openly and honestly with your partner to no avail, it may help to consult a professional.
Speaking with a professional counselor who specializes in intimacy and communication issues can help uncover the underlying reasons for the lack of physical intimacy and give you strategies to reconnect.
A therapist can also facilitate honest and productive conversations between you and your partner. If your partner is unwilling to attend counseling together, seeing a therapist on your own can still be helpful.
While it may feel overwhelming, a counselor can help turn things around by giving you the tools to reconnect physically and emotionally.
Intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship. You don’t need to suffer in silence if you and your partner aren’t connecting physically. You deserve to feel wanted and loved.
Talk about the lack of intimacy, figure out the underlying issues, and take action to reignite the spark in your relationship.
It’s crucial to stay affectionate and flirtatious as you look for ways to get your love life back on track. Remember to hug, kiss, and compliment your partner to keep the emotional and physical connection alive.
Plan date nights, try new activities together, and generally focus on strengthening your bond. Don’t constantly initiate lovemaking or make your partner feel pressured.
While intimacy is important, sometimes giving your man space can help take the pressure off and motivate him to come back to you when the time is right.
However, if you’ve tried all you can and nothing improves, don’t be afraid to seek professional help.
Couples therapy or relationship counseling may help you work through communication barriers and find your way back to each other.
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.